I miss ME...

This is my comeback blog... the last I guess was 2012 or 2013?! (I wish I could remember the password so I can get to just continue the old one, but I take this as a sign that I have to get a new one and let the past stay where it belongs)...

I remember creating one when we moved here in New York City... New home, new life, new blog...
For some reason that new stuff was gone with the wind (thanks to my very reliable memory 😜)...
When my husband got me this laptop, it just became FISHING device, kind of a bigger iPhone...

I got a letter from my 21-year-old-son... and it dawned on me that, I have given so much of me that I kind of messed uhm missed me... I have a lot of things that I still want to do but my body has got its own mind and just commands the whole of me to be in bed.... exhausted by just staying alive (in pain)... I thought I'd be able to make it by doing the "mind over matter"-thing... Faith says "GO!" but Science says "NO!"...

I can't even put my thoughts into words coz there's too much of them that I don't where to start... much as I want to discuss my illnesses (to begin with plus the meds I'm taking for years now) I feel like it has taken so much of life already and writing it tires me and brings it all back to me... I want to start with that so just for my readers to know where I'm coming from... but I believe that,  it can be possible to understand my pain without me going through every detail of how it all started... just want to start by how I feel now... still pain... with hurt... but too much that I was able to grab this almost 5 year-old laptop... to tell you my story or just my thoughts...

I'm holding on to life right now because I'm scared of the unknown... I'm not that brave without my knight in shining armor (my husband)... I'm like a lost kid without him... now, that he's physically here, I had the courage to (try) to start again... and here it goes, pain just calls me back to just lay back to bed...

to be continued...