Hi! It's been a while... a long while... I tried my best not to think of you since we parted ways but you've been so much a part of me that even every beat of my heart says your name...
I thought that I am so much over the pain of losing you, seeing you again brought back all our memories (both happy & sad ones) back to how they were then... Guess the chapters of my life that include you: from the moment we've met to the day that we said our goodbyes aren't really chapters... they're not just part of the story of my life... It's my life... because much as I deny your nonexistence, I still hear your voice, see your face, feel the gentle touch of your hand that made me feel like I was so brittle that you really made sure I'd be handled with utmost care... Like I'm so fragile, you know me so well: that I break easily... Indeed, coz I feel so broken just with the thought of you that can only exist in my mind yet you owned my soul... I have no regrets because I know you felt how much I loved you and I still do... I made sure you know that and when we were still together, I'm certain you felt that... I saw to it you're assured that my heart belonged to you... The day you left, you took that with you, I'm sure you tried to help me move on... I thought I already did but I thought wrong... I promised you that I'd love the man I married. While writing this, I realized I may have broken that promise too... I still love you... I love my man but I can't "unlove" you... much as you want me to, much as when I said "I do"... letting you go was the most difficult thing I ever did, unloving you made difficult IMPOSSIBLE... you're in my dreams... you're in my heart and soul... loving someone else as much I've loved you will never happen... I tried I know you know that too... but I always try my best coz I know that'll be easier for you to set me free... but we both know that our love for each other is eternal... God knows how much I tried, I cried coz I want you to be happy for me... but He also knows how much I'd rather be with you... I don't know why He'd rather let me be here than be back in your arms coz that's where I'd be in bliss and do what I please... I take all the trials head-on if that's what it takes to be with you again,.. but I just always end up battered with hurt and pain...
I know you see how much I'm loved but I also know that you are aware of my struggles about being jealous that you're happy without me... I'm happy too but I'd be happier with you... you said you'd never leave my side but you 're not here...you're not even near... to even give me a hug... that I can make it through without you... despite your broken promises and our dreams that will never come true, I still love you... I always convince myself that I've moved on, I'm still hoping and keeping the faith that we will be able to continue our love story... Every song I sing, every place I go to, every food I take, every move I make seems so fake... coz all those I wish it's you I share it with... it's you I'd ever need... it's only you that I want (when we were still together, your mantra was: WHAT RENEE WANTS, RENEE GETS) when you left the man who took your place tried his very best, you were right I guess, he is a good man, the best one that was born for me, but he cannot replace the void you left in my heart it's always you that I want and if "unloving" you is all I have to choose; I'm sorry I can't...
just like the love that I have for you and the love story we've had that I wish to tell...
this letter will have no ending... like the pain I have, the swell, I'll never be well...
You'll always be my first love... our memories is all I have...
til then, my prayer will still be is to see and be with you again...
But I'm all tied up on the inside, no one knows quite what I've got and I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I'm not anymore. You know I've heard about people like me, but I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free and find they've gone the wrong direction.
But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I'll walk them all no matter what I may have planned.
Can you remember who I was? Can you still feel it? Can you find my pain? Can you heal it?
Then lay your hands upon me now and cast this darkness from my soul.
You alone can light my way. You alone can make me whole once again.
We've walked both sides of every street through all kinds of windy weather but that was never our defeat as long as we could walk together.
So there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we'll walk them all no matter what we may have planned.
 |
| MY FIRST LOVE |
No comments:
Post a Comment